Trivia

Brevity is ….

Acknowledging that surfers on the World Wide Web are as short on time as they are on attention span, Internet sites are working hard at trying to keep both their headlines and the text of their site copy brief, concise, non-repetitive, and to the point, a move they hope will cause readers to look at more than just the headline, and also keep readers from giving up on a story or product description without ever making it to the second or third paragraph because the first paragraph was too long or convoluted, or failed to instill confidence in the reader that the rest of the story or description was worth reading, particularly if the first few sentences appeared to say it all or, worse, if they didn’t convince readers that the ensuing text would be able to add much to what they had already read in the first few sentences or paragraphs of the story or description they are reading.

Another milestone

The Internet reached another demographic milestone when a new study revealed that for the first time, the majority of US Internet users are FBI agents posing as teenage girls.

Narrowing the digital divide

Reacting to an alarming new report that warns of a widening digital divide between those who have Internet access and those who don’t, the United Nations launched HaveNot.org, a community and commerce site targeted at the estimated 5 billion people who do not have access to the Internet. According to HaveNot director Anthawal Nadretee, initial traffic is “very slow, which we think is encouraging.”

B2U

After another wave of dot-com cutbacks, analysts conclude the Internet is migrating toward a layoff-based business model, labeled B2U, or Business-to-Unemployment. “Like most true sea changes, we didn’t recognize this one until it was staring us in the face,” say analysts, who declined to explain how a sea change can stare one in the face.

Bush’s Internet

New president George W. Bush pledged to turn the Internet into a “God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican Internet” if elected, and promised to introduce a bill requiring every computer on the network to be powered, not by “liberal, Gore-loving electricity,” but by safe, dependable oil. “My friends, let me ask you, do you know what the Internet is?” Bush asks the crowd. No one seemed to know.

New virus

A computer virus labeled CokeSpill, which mimics the spill of a Coca-Cola on a keyboard, has infected computers at Innnntel, Suuuuun Microooosystems and DDDDellll and Syyyyyymmmmmantec.

Postcards form the ex

Pre-Internet companies have lost considerable talent to online upstarts in the past few years, but now that reality has put the doubt in dot.com, old economy firms have started getting back in touch with their ex-employees to let them know they’re still bitter.

Online baby sales

According to a new b-tail study, the scandalous case of American twins sold and resold by an Internet adoption agency should not negatively impact online baby sales, although it did bring to light customer service and fulfillment problems that could hinder the growth of the burgeoning b-commerce market.

Microsoft will admit to affair

Only hours after President Clinton struck a deal to avoid prosecution by admitting he lied in court about Monica Lewinsky, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer announced the entire company will admit to an affair with Lewinsky if the government will drop the case against it, too.

Source: www.satirewire.com

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